ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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