This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
