I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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