I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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