this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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