So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
