ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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