Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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