They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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