at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
