Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
