Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
