my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
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What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
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Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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