1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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