And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
