Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
