also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
