the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
