You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
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