Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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