she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
