I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
it's like heaven, but drunker
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
