As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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