Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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