so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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