i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
