At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he fucked my hip out of place.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
