so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
