i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
