i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I will be naked everywhere
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
