In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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