mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
How does one acquire holy water?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
