I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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