It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
