1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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