Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
the gays at disneyland are vicious
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
