We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You are the jesus of drinking
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
