someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
