I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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