don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
