Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
