Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
