i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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