HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
how does that bad decision feel?
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