You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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