I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
