make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize