I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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