i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just googled if crying burns calories
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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