no, he came in my armpit
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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