there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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