I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
