Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
