We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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