I smell stomach acid.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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