your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
