He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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