Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
