On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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