They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
