My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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