I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
