Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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