Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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