I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
