i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
