YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
